asisatperchedinthesecondfloorwindowofourbrickschoolhousethatafternoon,myheartbegantosinkfurtherwitheachpassingcar。thiswasadayidlookedforwardtoforweeks:misspacesfourthgrade,endoftheyearparty。misspacehadkeptarunningcountdownontheblackboardallthatweek,andourclassofnineyearoldshadborderedoninsurrectionbythetimethemuchanticipatedpartyfridayhadarrived。 ihadhappilyvolunteeredmymotherwhenmisspacerequestedcookievolunteers。momschocolatechipsreignedsupremeonourblock,andiknewtheydbeahitwithmyclassmates。buttwooclockpassed,andtherewasnosignofher。mostoftheothermothershadalreadycomeandgone,droppingofftheirofferingsofpunchandcrackers,chips,cupcakesandbrownies。mymotherwasmissinginaction。 dontworry,robbie,shellbealongsoon,misspacesaidasigazedforlornlydownatthestreet。ilookedatthewallclockjustintimetoseeitsblackminutehandshifttohalfpast。 aroundme,thenoisypartyragedon,butiwouldntbudgefrommywindowwatchpost。misspacedidherbesttocoameaway,butistayedout,holdingouthopethatthefamiliarfamilycarwouldroundthecorner,carryingmyrightfullyembarrassedmotherwithatinofherfamouscookiestuckedunderherarm。 thethreeoclockbellsoonjoltedmefrommythoughtsandidejectedlygrabbedmybookbagfrommydeskandshuffledoutthedoorforhome。 onthefourblockwalktoourhouse,iplottedmyrevenge。iwouldslamthefrontdooruponentering,refusetoreturnherhugwhensherushedovertome,andvownevertospeaktoheragain。 thehousewasemptywheniarrivedandilookedforanoteontherefrigeratorthatmighteplainmymothersabsence,butfoundnone。mychinquiveredwithamitureofheartbreakandrage。forthefirsttimeinmylife,mymotherhadletmedown。 iwaslyingfacedownonmybedupstairswheniheardhercomethroughthefrontdoor。 robbie,shecalledoutabiturgently。whereareyou? icouldthenhearherdartingfranticallyfromroomtoroom,wonderingwhereicouldbe。iremainedsilent。inamoment,shemountedthestepsthesoundsofherfootstepsquickeningassheascendedthestaircase。 whensheenteredmyroomandsatbesidemeonmybed,ididntmovebutinsteadstaredblanklyintomypillowrefusingtoacknowledgeherpresence。 imsosorry,honey,shesaid。ijustforgot。igotbusyandforgotplainandsimple。 istilldidntmove。dontforgiveher,itoldmyself。shehumiliatedyou。sheforgotyou。makeherpay。 thenmymotherdidsomethingcompletelyunepected。shebegantolaugh。icouldfeelhershudderasthelaughtershookher。itbeganquietlyatfirstandthenincreasedinitsvelocityandvolume。 iwasincredulous。howcouldshelaughatatimelikethis?irolledoverandfacedher,readytoletherseetherageanddisappointmentinmyeyes。 butmymotherwasntlaughingatall。shewascrying。imsosorry,shesobbedsoftly。iletyoudown。iletmylittleboydown。 shesankdownonthebedandbegantoweeplikealittlegirl。iwasdumbstruck。ihadneverseenmymothercry。tomyunderstanding,motherswerentsupposedto。iwonderedifthiswashowilookedtoherwhenicried。 idesperatelytriedtorecallherownsoothingwordsfromtimespastwhenidskinnedkneesorstubbedtoes,timeswhensheknewjusttherightthingtosay。butinthatmomentoftearfulplight,wordsofprofundityabandonedmelikeawornoutshoe。 itsokay,mom,istammeredasireachedoutandgentlystrokedherhair。wedidntevenneedthosecookies。therewasplentyofstufftoeat。dontcry。itsallright。really。 mywords,asinadequateastheysoundedtome,promptedmymothertositup。shewipedhereyes,andaslightsmilebegantocreasehertearstainedcheeks。ismiledbackawkwardly,andshepulledmetoher。 wedidntsayanotherword。wejustheldeachotherinalong,silentembrace。whenwecametothepointwhereiwouldusuallypullaway,idecidedthat,thistime,icouldholdon,perhaps,justalittlebitlonger。