情感

　　标题：Iwasfreshmeat：howAAmeetingspushsomewomenintoharmfuldating
　　source：theguardian丨byDarlenaCunha
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　　At23yearsold，AsiaBlackwoodwastheproudstayathomemotherofthreeyoungchildreninaquaintConnecticutneighborhood。Dayinanddayout，shepreparedsnacksandwatchedwithprideashertoddlerslearnedtosharewitheachotherwhileherhusbandworked。Lifewaspictureperfect。
　　Butjustunderthesurface，Blackwood’shappyhomewascrumbling。Shewasoftenexhausted，andfeltsadfornoreason。Thislistlessnessandunhappinessmadeherfeelguilty，sinceshehadnothingtocomplainabout。
　　IwasgivenPercocettodealwiththepainafterchildbirth，Blackwoodrecalls。Irealizedimmediatelyhowgooditmademefeel。Itlessenedmydepressionandgavememoreenergy。
　　Blackwood’sprescriptionranoutbeforeshewasreadysoshestartedbuyingthepillsonline，usingtheminincreasingamountsoverthenextyear。Duringthattime，shesawhowunhappyhermarriagewasanddivorcedherhusband。
　　ShemetJohn（nothisrealname），arecoveringheroinaddict，justweeksafterherdivorceandbegandatinghim。Cutofffromherhusband’screditcards，herstashofpillsdwindled。Johnintroducedhertoamuchcheaperalternative：heroin。
　　Shesoonlostcustodyofherchildrenandbecamehomelessforawhile，stillshockedthatherlifewasnowaboutfindinghernextfixinsteadoffixingherkidsdinner。
　　Afteraverydarkyear，shedecidedtomakeachange，droppedJohn，andstartedgoingtoAlcoholicsAnonymous。
　　WhatIdidnotexpectwastobefreshmeatwhenIwalkedintoAAmeetings，shetoldme。Menwantedmynumberandwantedtodateme。Iwasnewlysober，cluelessandcravinglove。
　　BlackwoodsaidshebegandatingamanwithninemonthssobrietywithinherfirstweeksatAA，andlaterfoundouthewassleepingwithdozensofotherwomeninthesamesupportgroup，manyofwhomshehadconsideredfriends。
　　Thatdiscoverywasdevastating。
　　Itnevercausedarelapse，butitdidmakemequestionthejoyofsoberlife，andalsoconsidersuicide，shesaid。Theworldseemslikeareallymeanplacewhenyouaresurroundedbyunhealthypeople。
　　Blackwood’sstoryofloveinthetimeofdrugabuseisnotunique。Womentryingtorecoverarefallingintothetrapofdatinginwhichthegoalisnotloveormutualsupport，butapowerplayinwhichtheyarethelosers。
　　ThenextAA？WelcometoModerationManagement，whereabstinencefromalcoholisnttheanswer
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　　JoellaStriebel，abehavioralhealthspecialistatGundersenHealthSysteminWisconsin，saysthatwomenhaveadifferentpathwaytoaddictionthanmen。Torecover，theymustbelievetheyhavecontrolovertheirownlivesandcanmakedecisionsforthemselves，ratherthanadmittingpowerlessnesswhichisoneofthemaintenetsofAA。
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　　Recoveryfromaddictionismostsuccessfulwhenitisaddressingnotjusttheproblematicsubstanceusingbehaviors，buttheunderlyingissuesandpasttrauma，shesaid。Manywomenwhohavebeenvictimizedengageunconsciouslyinrepetitioncompulsions，seekingoutarchetypesandfamiliarsituations，andthroughthattheycanbevictimized。
　　NooneknowsthatbetterthanAlexHankel。
　　At15yearsold，Hankel（notherreallastname）wasalreadyaddictedtodrugs。By18，shewasrunningNarcoticsAnonymousmeetingsinhercommunityinNewOrleans。LikeIknewanydamnthing，sherecalls。Thegroupsaresounstructured，basicallyanythinggoes。
　　Hankelendeduppregnantbyaman15yearsherseniorwhileinrehab。
　　Shesaidshetriedtoobservetheoneyearguidelineinplacethatusershaveoneyearofsobrietybeforetheystartdatingbutthatasoneoftheonlyyoungwomeninhergroups，shewasamaintargetforsexualadvances。
　　Iwastooyoungtobenavigatingmysobrietyaroundsomanydisturbedpeople，Hankelsaid。Ineededamentalhealthdoctor。
　　Hankelsaiditwasanexpensivefourweekrehabilitationcenterthatfinallyhelpedher；aluxurymostpeoplesufferingaddictionscannotafford。ShesaidmanyofthecheaperoptionsfocusonAAastheirmajorrecoverytool，anddon’taddresstheunderlyingproblemsthatmaybecausingdestructivebehaviors。
　　Atherfacility，shewassetupwithapersonaltherapistwhopaidattentiontothespecificissuesbeneathheraddiction。Ifpeopleinrehabprogramsonlyfocusontheirdependencies，theyareonlyscrapingthesurfaceoftheproblem，paintingoverabrokendownfoundationwithoutfixingthesplinteringwoodbeneath，Hankelexplained。Withoutdelvingdowntotherootoftheproblem，itbecomesmorelikelytogrowagain。
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　　AccordingtoNewYorkpsychotherapistScottWStern，whenthegeneralpopulationthinksaboutrecoveryprograms，there’snotalotofdistinctionbetweentreatmentandsupport。
　　Treatment，suchasrehabilitationandtherapy，isrunbyprofessionalswhostartwiththeirclientsfromwheretheyareandworkwiththemthroughavarietyofmedicalandpsychologicalmeanstobuildtheirautonomy，hesaid。Incontrast，supportgroupslikeAAorNAprovidemerelyapeertopeernetworkofindividualssupposedlyworkingtowardthesamegoal。
　　Suchgroupsarenotequippedtoaddressmanyofthecomplexissuesthatcomealongwithaddiction，sincethey’rerunbypeoplewhoarenottrainedasprofessionals。Thesegroupsareplacesanyonecanwalkinto，whereanythingcouldhappen，hesaid。
　　Inessence，anenvironmentthatistoutedasasafespacecanbeanythingbut。Fromeasieraccesstosubstancestosexualharassment，abuseorevenoutrightmurder，theseprogramscaninflictfurtherdamage。
　　Ontheotherhand，evidencebasedgroupsarerunbytrainedfacilitatorswho，intheory，shouldbeabletorecognizepredatorybehaviorandintervene，Striebelsaid。Manyaregenderbased，aswell，whichfurthermitigatestherisk。
　　WhiletherearecertainAAmeetingsthatarewomenonly，theavailabilityofthesemeetingsisscarceatbest。Hankelsaidshewasfrequentlytheonlywomaninagroupof15ormoremen，becausetherewassimplynootheroptioninherarea。
　　LeonaColn，whohasbeeninandoutofAAprogramsfordecades，saidsoutheastGeorgiahasjuststartedprovidingonewomenonlyAAmeetingaweek，comparedwiththreemenonlymeetings。Beforeacoupleyearsago，shesaid，therewerenowomenonlymeetingatall。
　　Ofcourse，AAandNAhavehelpedmany；itisoneofthemostpopularrecoverygroupsintheUS。AAboastsover1。3millionmembersasof2013，butaccordingtoSternonly58actuallyrecoverlongtermwithoutrelapse。ThisnumberoriginatesfromaretiredpsychiatryprofessorfromHarvardMedicalSchool，LanceDodes，whocomparedAA’sretentionrateswithstudiesonsobrietyandratesofactiveinvolvementinthegroupmeetings。
　　Meanwhile，membersareexpectedtomovethroughtheorganization’s12stepsandacceptthedoctrineputforthbyAA。SomeofthewomenItalkedtocalledthegroupscultlike，sayingthatmembersclingtothewrittenwordintheBigBookandexcludeanyonewhomightquestionit，leavingthemalonewhentheystumbleacrosswhatiscommonlyknownasthe13thstepthatis，whensomeonemakessexualadvancesonsomeonenewtorecovery。
　　BeinghitonatAAwasadailythingforme。Inhindsight，IrealizeIwasneverreallyabletofocusonmysobriety
　　AlexiaColon
　　Colnhasbeenaround12stepprogramssinceshewasachild，andhasexperiencedthe13thstepdozenoftimes。At14shesawhermothergothrough90in90，whichiswhenapersoninrecoveryattendsatleastonemeetingeverydayforthreemonths。
　　Ididn’tlosemymothertoalcohol，IlosthertoAA，Colnsaid。BeingateenagerwithacutemominAAwasnotfunatall。Nokidwantstoseetheirparentdating，anyway，buttheguysfromAAbringittoawholeotherlevel。
　　Coln’smothersoonmarriedamanshemetthroughthegroupmeetings，whohad15yearsofsobrietytohermother’soneyear，andthenewcoupleforcedColntogotomeetings，too，eventhoughshedidn’tyethaveasubstanceproblem。
　　Theydidn’twantmetobealoneinthehouseallthetime，shesaid。SoIwenttomeetingsandtosoberdances。Iwasoffereddrugsthereeverysingletime。
　　EventuallyColndidendupwithasubstanceproblem，andshehasbeentoAAasanadultonandoffthroughoutherlife，takingwhatsheneedsfromtheprogramandleavingtherest。Buttherestwon’tleaveher。
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　　IshoweduptoameetingonceinflipflopsandablackTshirt，shesaid。Someguyyelledout，‘Youknowwhatshe’slookingfor！’Igotinhisfaceaboutitandshamedhim。ThenIwastoldIshouldn’thavesaidanythingtohimaboutitbecausehewasnew。Butwhataboutme？Ishouldputupwiththat？
　　Colnhasbeenmarriedformorethan25yearsandknowshowtohandleherselfaroundthegroupmembers，butsheworriesaboutherdaughter，Alexia，who’sinherearly20sandtryingtostaysober。
　　AlexiaColnsuffersfromdepression，whichshesaidshemitigatedbyselfmedicating。Whensheturned22，shedecidedtogethelp，andstartedgoingtoAAandNA。Herfirstweekthere，shemetamanwhohadfouryearssobrietyandbegandatinghim，onlytofindhimisolatingherfromherfriendsandfamily，policingthewayshedressed，andeventuallyhittingher。
　　Hewassojealousandkeptmeonashortleash，shesaid，alwayspretendingitwasaboutmysobrietyandwaswhatwasbestforme。
　　AlexiabrokeitoffandleftAA，onlytofallbackintodeepdepressionandsubstancedependency。Whenshetriedagain，monthslater，torecover，shefoundAAtobeadangerousplaceevenwithoutanabusiverelationshiptingingit。
　　BeinghitonatAAwasadailythingforme，shesaid。Irelishedinit，honestly。Ilovedthatalleyeswereonmeallthetime。Inhindsight，IrealizeIwasneverreallyabletofocusonmysobriety。
　　Shestatesthatthetypeofattentionpaidtoyoungwomenintheprogramsisdetrimentalinallways。Everysingleoneofusisvulnerablegoingintothoserooms。Forthefirsttimeinyourlife，youthinkyou’relearningtocopewithyourfeelings。You’renothidingbehindsubstancesanymore。Andyou’respeakinginfrontofpeoplewhohugyouandtellyoutheyloveyou。Buttheydon’t。They’reinitforthemselves。
　　LeonaColnblamesthecurrentstateofthelegalsysteminparticulardrugcourts。ShesaidthedrugcourtsinsoutheastGeorgia，wheresheandAlexiareside，mandateoffenderstogotoAAmeetings。Whenshecomplainedaboutthisprocedure，shewastoldtheycouldgotoanymeetingandtofindadifferentgroup。
　　Buttherearenoothermeetingsherethataren’tatleastahalfhouraway，Colnsaid。Wordgotaroundaboutmycomplaint，andpeoplestartedquestioningAlexiaaboutit，makingthesituationevenworseforher。
　　Sternsaidtheproblemiscompoundedwhensexoffendersgothroughthedrugcourtsandareorderedtogoto12stepmeetings，whichhesaidisafairlycommonoccurrence。
　　Forpeoplewithcriminalrecords，it’snotuncommonthattheywillarguetheywereundertheinfluenceofsubstances，hesaid。NinetypercentoftreatmentfacilitiesintheUSare12stepfacilitated，too，whichmeansnomatteryourcrime，you’remostlikelygoingtoendupatAAorNA。
　　Sternsuggeststhejudicialsystemshouldberevamped。However，theNationalAssociationofDrugCourtProfessionals（NADCP）saidthewaytheymandaterecoveryhasalreadyundergonevastchangesinrecentyears。
　　Whileit’sstillnotperfect，TerrenceWalton，theNADCP’schiefofstandards，saidthecourtsmandateprofessionaltreatmentbeforerecommendingapeersupportgrouptofacilitatelongtermrecovery。HealsosaidthatdrugcourtsnolongerspecifyAANAasthesupportgroupthatmustbeattended，aswasthecaseadecadeago。
　　Wedon’trecommendAAtounwillingparticipantsanymorebecauseifyouforcesomeonetogotoAAorNAwithpeoplewhoarenotbeingforcedtogothere，itcanbeabadmix。Youneedtowanttoparticipateforthoseprogramstowork，Waltonsaid。
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　　RhondaPence，whoworksintheNADCP’spublicrelationsdepartment，saidit’simportanttorememberthattheirclientelearepeopletoo。Thegoalistohelpthemputtheirlivesbacktogetherandgetthemoffdrugsforgood，Pencesaid。Theydeservethatchancetobecomeaproductivememberofsocietyagain。
　　Butifdrugcourtsmandatesomeformofpeersupportgroupattendanceforthebettermentoftheirclients，and90ofthepeersupportgroupsoutthereareAANA12stepprograms，howcanweavoidwhatWaltoncalledabadmixofpeople？
　　Walton，SternandStriebelallhighlyrecommendanewpeersupportoptioncalledSmartRecovery。ItissimilartoAAandNA，butdoesnotinvolvecitingpowerlessnessaspartofrecovery，anddoesnotinsistoninvokingahigherbeingtobelongtotheclub。
　　Moreimportantly，SmartRecoveryhasa24houronlineoption。Thisgreatlyhelpswomenwhodon’twanttoattendinpersonmeetingsforfearofbeingtheobjectoftoomuchattention，aswellasthosewhocan’tdrive，orlivefarawayfrommeetingspaces。
　　Theprogramencouragesmemberstobuildtheirownmotivation，findwaystocopewithurges，managebehaviorsandfeelings，andstartlivingabalancedlife。
　　ToomanypeopleequatethepowerlessnessintheAAprogramwithhelplessness，Sternsaid。Throughthat，theyaccidentallytransfertheiraddictiontosubstancestoanaddictiontothesupportgroupormemberswithinit。TheonlywaytocombatthisthatIhavefoundisthroughempowerment。
　　Asforthefourwomenwhofoundtheirrecoverymarredandfullofobstacles，they’reallfaringwell。Blackwoodisabouttogotocourttowinvisitationprivilegeswithherchildrenagain。She’sbeensoberforayearandahalf。Hankelisraisingasixyearoldgirlbyherself，whilestayingclearofdrugsandalcohol。LeonaColnhasn’tpersonallyneededtheaidofagroupinalmostfiveyears，andAlexiaisleaningonherforsupportassheforagesaheadinherownrecovery。
　　Itwasn’tthroughAAthatBlackwood，HankelandtheColnswereabletostarttheirhealthypathstorecovery。Itwasthroughtrulylearningtolovethemselves。